To Claire, on the last day of her soul sucking job:

My Darling Claire!
Today you will set out on a new path. I’m so proud of you for making this leap and investment in yourself. It’s going to be scary jumping into the deep end of this ocean, but you have a life jacket and inflatable raft with me and the kitty, not to mention you’re scuba certified and a damned good swimmer.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I can’t wait for you to figure out just how good a swimmer you already are and that I know you to be.
It’s scary quitting a job, and losing that security, but I’m excited for the freedom you are about to find. I can’t wait to support you the way you supported me while I was figuring out my own path. But this is an adventure, and we’re in it together, especially because I’m not a particularly good swimmer. 😉

You need something that will help focus your vibrant energy, brilliance & passion. I see so much potential in you and I can’t wait for the rest of the world to catch on. Life is all about change and growth and I can’t wait to watch the growth that happens next for you.

Fuck, this is starting to sound like some kind of cult shit, doesn’t it?

All jokes aside, No more boring, soul sucking desk jobs for, my love! You’re going to find that perfect career for your talents, and I really do hope you find in in the wine industry. I can’t wait to see what you do next and I hope you love it as much as you love me and the kitty.
In the days and weeks ahead, when you question your sanity in these decisions, remember that the kitty and I believe in you. Your family and friends believe in you. We all believe in you, and you’re going to do great things when you find that next path and career.

When things get tough, and they will for a short time, please remember my favorite quote from a Harry Potter novel:

“And now, Harry, let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure.” — Albus Dumbledore

This is an adventure. We’re lucky that we get to take it together. I can’t wait to see where these next adventures take us.
I love you,
-Damian

PS. Sorry I dropped your very expensive bottle of essential oils into the toilet and clogged the damned thing and tried to hide it from you. Thanks for loving me and all my 90’s sitcom dad-isms. I’m sure all the wine in our future will help with that. 😉

Damian Burford

Damian is the host of Mostly Harmless Podcast. Freelance writings have appeared in Vice, New Noise Magazine, Colorado Springs Independent, Denver Westword and more. Damian is currently bartending and working in music production in Napa, California. These are the adventures of his new life in Napa with his girlfriend Claire. Plus other adventures, writings, interviews and more!

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Comedian Mike Birbiglia talks about his film ‘Don’t Think Twice’ – New Noise Magazine – AUG 2016

July 19, 2022 No Comments

Facebook Archives: I can’t sleep. Who can these days, amiright?

June 23, 2024 No Comments

This is a Facebook post from June 4th, 2020. This was written during the height of the Covid-19 pandemic. I wrote a lot on Facebook during that time, I like a lot of what was written here and wanted to save it here for posterity as Facebook slowly smothers the life out of it’s platform. -Damian June 2024 I can’t sleep. Who can these days, amiright? I told the lady I was going to stay up and read, and sure…I did a little of that, but mostly I sat in the chair and thought about the future. I felt good about those thoughts, but then I sat down here and started reading Facebook and instantly regretted feeling good. Because, let’s face it. We’re all doomed aren’t we? I just finished the book Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins. It was a gift from the lady, her favorite book. She was irritated that I didn’t read it right after Christmas, when she gave it to me. But books have a life and a mind of their own. They come to you when you least expect them, and when they open up to you…. When they truly open up to you… it’s magic. This book came to me and opened up at the right place and time. Jitterbug Perfume is about an ancient king who finds his first white hair in his beard. It’s decreed by the law of his land that he is to die of “old age.” Old Alobar isn’t ready to die and decides to run from death. He continues to run from death and somehow discovers the secrets to an everlasting life. The secrets are wonderful, but lonely. Towards the end of the book, I don’t think I’m spoiling this for anyone, but a random black character is murdered by police in New Orleans and there are violent protests and vigils for this character. But it’s a book about living forever and does this character really die? They don’t talk about him too much in the book. It’s a white book and made for liberal white people, but it has been on my mind for the last few days. Reading the chapters about this character’s death, while simultaneously watching the news was…. I don’t have the words for those feelings. Incredible is not a large enough word. His character was just a token. Created by a white man to die after a few humble sentences or paragraphs. I’m not a smart man. I’ve never been good at looking at the metaphors in novels. Maybe his death was represented in that way on purpose, and it’s the times we are living in that makes me evaluate what that character means. ya know? But that’s not what sticks with me about the book. The book is about how Alobar decides to change his world. He does so by breaking the chains of his oppressors, which are DEATH and the rules. It’s an interesting and fun book and I can’t wait to read more of Tom Robbins. But I keep thinking about how the book says Alobar learns to become immortal because he shirks his role in the greater scheme of life and rebirth. He decides not to be a part of the SYSTEM, but to be an individual. AN INDIVIDUAL. That’s his first step to immortality. Becoming an individual. But isn’t that the problem we have in AMERICA right now? Isn’t’ that the virus we are spreading to the whole world? ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME.instead of….WE WE WE WE WE WE WE WE WE WE. They’re the same letters. Just upside down. No longer do we live in the country of “We the People…” We live in a country of “ME!!!!!! The People!!!!”We’re a country of people who want what’s best for US, but when we say us… we mean… “Me. ME! MEEEEEE!!!!!!!” Me the people. Me the People. Me the People. Me the People. Look, I know I’m telling almost all of you reading everything you already know. But we’ve been living “Me the people” our entire lives and it’s not really working is it? The rich get richer, and the poor keep dying when they don’t have too. Who cares who can live forever, if the masses are dying in our streets. I see the “All lives Matter” posts and comments, and hell, I thought the same thing at first. All lives do matter, but WHY IS MY LIFE WORTH MORE THAN OTHERS? WHY?!?! I struggled with these ideas when my sister died some ten/eleven years ago. Why her and not me? Why George Floyd and not me? Why? Why? Why? Why? What is a life worth? How much? How many tears? I wonder how many people have seen a dead body. I wonder how many people have watched a person die in-front of their own eyes. How would that change their world? When I think of the “ALL LIVES MATTER!!!!” People I’ve been thinking of Jitterbug Perfume and the individualism it either taught or warned against. These are ignorant people, not bad people. Just fucking ignorant. They are just as much a product of the system as the dead black men laying in our streets. It’s been hammered into our collective heads since birth that we should be looking out for number one. You know why? Because communism is EVIL. Caring for other people is EVIL. I just know that we can not keep looking at the world and think that we belong as individuals. We have to start looking at the world from a place of WE. Or, I dunno…. Here’s another half brained metaphor: The earth is a symbiotic organism. We have to work together, or cancer seeps into those cells and destroys it. Each of us carry that cancer inside us. So when we do not work to form a more cohesive unit, we die and we destroy others. And WE! AMERICANS! are doing it every day. Dying.

Vintage Film Reviews: A Wrinkle In Time (2018)

March 15, 2024 No Comments

This is a review I wrote about the film, A WRINKLE IN TIME, directed by Ava Duvernay that was posted on Facebook on March 15th, 2018. I wanted to post it here to keep for posterity. Thanks to MoviePass, I went and checked out A Wrinkle In Time tonight at the movies. The books were my favorites as a young boy. I remember actually getting detention in the 7th grade for getting caught reading one of them in Science class, a class I tried to purposely fail for some 7th Grade reason. Watching the movie, I remembered being that awkward shy fat kid who didn’t really have any friends, who was picked on and beat up in school every day. Watching this movie, I remembered that boy and tapped into him and I could see what this movie was reaching for and I think that’s why it held so much over me. I remembered getting the shit kicked out of me for wearing Rustlers or having a lunch box instead of a brown paper bag… I remember what it was like to be an outsider, yearning for something more and I remembered what brought me to those books in the first place. Because of my love of the source material, I didn’t hate the movie. I actually rather enjoyed it for the most part. The end was clunky and I felt like somewhere down the road they took a machete to the source materials and cut massive amounts of the heart and story from the books. I like some of the ideas of what they have left, and some of the new things they made up, but It felt like they cut oh so much meat off the bone that all you were left with was the scraps of a much better meal and I know what that meal tastes like so I can imagine it why I’m eating the scraps of how good it could have been and I think I just answered why I liked it. What I remember from the books, which is a little bit foggy. I own them, but probably have not read the first on in about 8 years… The original novel is about the inter connectivity between ourselves and the universe. How we and the Universe and everything in it are all a part of each other. These children are on a mission to save their missing father and save the universe. The book had a message that was much more about how only the power of LOVE could defeat the darkness that is advancing on our universe. Whereas in the newest film, it’s lessons are to LOVE YOURSELF and find your strength from within to defeat the darkness. I like the idea and I like the lessons of that idea, but by making that the core concept of the film, it took away a lot from other ideas from the book left in the film. So characters like Calvin had much less to do in the new film and much less a role to play in the new story than the old. PLUS WHERE WERE THE BROTHERS? You left in boring old Calvin, but got rid of the brothers?!?!? What the hell. The bad guy at the end of the universe. The darkness coming to over take us all was much more scarier in the book. Oh and Charles Wallace is a psychic child who knows things and is “creepy” and the kid who played him in the film was OKAY, but more annoying and less Creepy. I kept wanting, this character, which is suppose to be one of the most impressive minds in the universe to be a little more otherworldly like he is in the books. I kept thinking I wanted him to be more GAGE from Pet Semetery. haha Also, and why make this extraordinary mind adopted in the film?! In the book he’s the son of two of the most brilliant minds on earth, so it makes sense he’s so…. Otherworldly, but in the book he’s just a psychic adopted kid. But seriously, we felt no menace at the end of the film towards this Ultimate big bad…. So it felt flat. Okay. I’m nitpicking and I’m probably still buzzing off that edible… OH AND WHY DID THEY CHANGE THE CREATURE MRS WHATSIT CHANGED INTO FROM THE CENTAR THAT WAS ON EVERY COVER OF EVERY BOOK THE THE LEAF CREATURE!?!?! What the hell! But still. With all that said, I enjoyed the film. I think it will be great for young children and I really hope it opens them up to the book series. The books gave me strength and hopefully it will continue to do so for generations. Adults who are not fond of the source materials… Stay away. I don’t think there will be much for you here beyond some cool looking popcorn scenes. And the movie right now has an IMDB score of 4.2, but I would give this something like a 6.2. Not horrible and worth to watch on Netflix on a dark and stormy night…. (As I get down here to the end of this I realize I’m probably definitely still buzzing on this edible and probably shouldn’t post this. Did I even say anything worth a damn at all? Oh well. I spent all this time on it, so why let it go to waste.)