Sean and Alee Go All The Way

In 2023, I was invited to be the officiant of my dear old friends, Sean and Alee’s wedding. It was the invitation of a lifetime and I was honored to be the one to bring their lives together. Sean and I both were tearful in the moment, while Alee was ever the dude who made fun of us for being a “bunch of crybabies.” I share this here today for posterity, misspellings and all.

Below is the Officiant’s speech (or whatever it’s called).

***YOU MAY BE SEATED.*****

Dearly Beloved

We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Sean and Alee!

So many of us have traveled great distances to be here for this joyous celebration. There is nowhere else we would rather be than right here right now, celebrating this NEU family. Pun intended.

Hold for chuckles.

The love in this venue is powerful! Can you feel it? So many friends. family. both old, new and those friendships yet to be discovered.

Of course Friendship is the cornerstone of any great relationship and that’s where today’s journey begins.

Sean and Alee began their life first as friends. They met at College and became roommates. They lived together in a large house, each working towards their futures. Both of them were unaware that their futures were destined to be together.

Sean and Alee would stay friends after college. They would go on to start their individual lives, but they stayed close. They were there for each other through thick and thin, growing slowly towards becoming the best friends they were always meant to be.

Weddings are intended to be quiet affairs, but if we might break decorum real quick. Can we get some noise from those of us who knew long before they did that these two both were meant to be together?

It was so obvious wasn’t it? Obvious to everyone but them! Every story I’d hear, the nicknames or inside jokes from these two said it all… These two were meant for each other.

But isn’t that how the greatest relationships are formed? Time. Growth. Dedication. Love. All those qualities existed long before they found their romance. It was those years of friendship that they built the foundation of this love and their future life.

Sean works in Security and in the days before I met alee, I would joke, “I wonder what it would take to get that Top Secret clearance to Sean’s heart?”

I stopped joking the moment I met Alee. Immediately, I knew she was the key to his heart.

They are each other’s Yin and Yang. They bring each other a sense of Balance.

Who else experienced the absolute joy when they revealed that they had finally taken that obvious leap into romance?

And it was in those early days of this adventure that Sean and Alee invited my love and I on a double date at the Botanical Gardens.

We watched as these two danced around each other. Still so nervous of the relationship that was blossoming. These two had loved each other for so long, but what did it mean now?

It was in those tender moments in the gardens.. watching as the two of them held hands.. watching them gently explored what this next chapter of their relationship would become… I knew these two would GO ALL THE WAY.

Their love grew to the true place it was always meant to grow.

Today we are here in celebration of what they have discovered since that afternoon in the gardens.

The love in this room is powerful.

Look around the room and You can see the love and joy that these two represent, reflected in each of your faces. Not just our love of Sean and Alee, but the love we have for each other.

With this love in our hearts, we are helping to build the bond that will carry these two forward into their futures. That love is worth more than any of the wrapped boxes we brought with us today. Those are the real gifts that we bring to this couple by being here today in this joyous celebration.

As we continue this ceremony, think of your love of Sean and Alee. Think of your favorite moments you may have of them and hold that love close in your hearts as we welcome these two to their next chapter and adventures unknown.

OFF MIC: Shall we begin? Are you two ready?

Marriage is a supreme sharing, perhaps the greatest and most challenging adventure in life.

It is the joyful uniting of two individuals whose care and affection and understanding have flowered into a deep and powerful love.

Those who take its vows have their lives blended together into one, as the waters of two rivers are joined when they come together to form an even greater one.

The bride and groom have prepared their own vows:

—-

Alee: Do you take this man for your lawful wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this & day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?

Sean: Do you take this woman for your lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?

You may kiss the bride!

Ladies and Gentlemen.. I present to you… Sean And ALEE NEU!!!

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Dear Diary, Today I met Sona Movsesian. Today I met a friend.

July 22, 2022 No Comments

Conan O’Brien is one of my biggest comedy influences. He inspires me to keep it weird and goofy. His podcast, Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend is my favorite podcast, and was a huge influence on me bringing my dead horse back from the grave. Whether it be his Late Night shows, his classic episodes of The Simpsons or his podcast, I’ve listened or watched thousands of hours of entertainment Conan has provided. In the last few years, his trusty assistant Sona Movsesian has become one of my favorite parts of any of his shows or projects. Sona is one of the co-hosts of Conan’s podcast. Listening to her feels like listening to an old friend. She’s fast on her feet with the smart ass comments. She doesn’t take any shit from her infamous boss, but also takes it all. It’s a fine line and they’ve become one of the best comedy duo’s, ever. Sorry Andy! Sona did a signing tonight for her new memoir/humor book, WORLD’S WORST ASSISTANT, all about her life and times with Conan O’Brien. I twisted the chain on the old ball enough to agree to venture down to the city tonight to go see Sona do a reading/signing in an old grocery store turned Sporting Goods store/Event Space. The reading was great and at one point she asked the audience if any of us had seen the Showtime Original TV program, GIGOLOS. I enthusiastically raised my hand, because of course I have. An instant friendship with Conan’s assistant was born. I had been wracking my brain trying to figure out what to chat with Sona about in our few short minutes. I didn’t need to worry thanks to the venue/event assistant who remembered my hand jumping out of its socket during the reading. I could have asked about smoking weed (She’s a pothead), or ask her what it’s like to have the spotlight that’s been so near her, now on herself? Or who knows! Instead, Here I am standing in front of Sona, thinking about all these damned things to ask her about and we stand there and chat about GIGOLOS. God damned GIGOLOS, a terrible softcore porn disguised as a reality tv show! While I don’t recommend the show, I’m forever grateful for that night when I was scrolling through a Showtime free trial and asked, “what the hell is this?” Conan O’Brien might be on the hunt for a friend, but tonight I think I made a new best one. And the great thing? I bet there’s not a single person who didn’t encounter Sona on her tour this week that doesn’t feel the same way. I wish her great success with this book and beyond. I really hope I get to interview her one day.

Vintage Interview: Adam Carson, Drummer of AFI. On the streets of Dallas, Texas. Halloween 1999?

August 27, 2021 No Comments

Originally printed on HAND CARVED MAGAZINE.(RIP) The Scene: October 30th 1999. Dallas, Texas. In front of Insomnia Coffee Bar.It seems our dear Friend Scandalist was deep in the Halloween spirt. After watching AFI we were left with little to do and even less cash. So what did we do? We stood out in front of Insomnia, while Good ole Scandalist decided to, Moon people, Show people his breasts, Yell in unsuspecting people’s faces and then chase them down the street and yell at them some more. After a little over an hour of watching the master moon taxi cabs and Hippie buses, We just happened to run into Adam from AFI. Here is the interview we conducted that shortly followed: Damian: I’m here with Hunter form AFI. Its that correct?Adam: Nope.Damian: Who are you?Adam: My name is Adam.Damian: Oh. [pause] Now I feel like a retard.Adam: HaHaHa. We’re off to a great start here.Damian: They told me you were Hunter. So I’m going to ask you some questions about you running Checkmate Records even though you don’t run Checkmate Records.Adam: You can ask me anything you want about Checkmate Records. I’ll answer it the best I can.Damian: So, uh, How long have you been in AFI?Adam: Since its conception. Probably eight years. Eight and a half.Damian: Have any regrets?Adam: None what so ever.Damian: None? Now, All Hallow’s EP came out recently. Tell us a little about that. What’s up with that?Adam: The All Hallows EP is a four song EP that came out in the beginning of October. It has three originals and a cover of Halloween, by the Misfits. Its obviously Halloween themed. There’s a thousand, limited edition, orange vinyl seven inches and a bunch of CDs. We like it. We think its among the best stuff that we’ve done.Damian: So have the Misfits heard the cover?Adam: I don’t know. But we’re going to be touring with Danzig in a couple of weeks. So he might start asking us for his mechanical royalties. Damian: Are you excited about that?Adam: Yea, I’m excited about it. We haven’t actually gotten permission to do the song. So I don’t know if he’s going to be fining us or not. The Danzig tour should be cool. We’re going to be playing in front of a lot of people who have not seen us before. They probably won’t hate us. But you know? Its rock ‘n roll.Damian: Well its officially Halloween now. You guys are playing Fitzgerald’s in Houston tomorrow night. Any special surprises for that show, that we’re going to miss because we’re in Dallas?Adam: I think so.Damian: Can you tell us about that because we’re not going to be there?Adam: Nah. You’ll have to read it on the Internet or something.Damian: Read it on the Internet? Come on…Adam: Nothing to crazy. There is a certain Halloween feel that we like our shows to have. Every show so we’re not doing a hole lot different. It will be fun.Damian: Now this isn’t your first tour with Sick Of It All. Have you been getting a better response this tour versus the last tour with them?Adam: I think so. When we did that first tour we were largely unknown in the cities we played. We’ve since toured extensively by ourselves. We have a small fan base in every city. Which is cool.Scandalist: Did I frighten you when i started screaming at you?Adam: No.Scandalist: Oh, well. I’m sure it was annoying.Adam: You actually didn’t scare me. I was expecting you too, I was hoping you wouldn’t….Damian: Alright, Now there were people here tonight just to see you, then they left as soon as you got off the stage. Does that make you feel good?Adam: In a way that makes me feel good that people are coming to see us. On the other hand, I find it ridiculous that people pay money to see Sick Of It All and don’t even stick around. They don’t realize that Sick of It All was the reason most of these bands on the bill are there, the reason we do what we do and love it so much is that Sick Of It All sets such a great example. These guys have been doing it for fifteen years and they love what they are doing. They are not going to stop any time soon. They have made it their life. They have made it their career. I think it is sooo Amazing and admirable that they day in and day out just grind away. Cause they are not a huge band. Its a lot of work for them. They do it because they love it. That’s completely inspirational. I’m amazed that people leave without experiencing that. Such as yourselves…Damian: Well We drove about 3 hours basically to see you guys play.Adam: That’s so flattering. Its really cool. I think you guys missed out on not watching Sick Of It All.Scandalist: So what inspires you?Adam: Pete’s coffee. Then the conversation went to someone talking about sex and then Adam excusing himself because he was, “Missing out.” End.

Minus The Bear Bassist Cory Murchy (Vice/Noisey Aug 2014)

July 19, 2022 No Comments