Happy Birthday to Claire!

Today is Claire Helme day! June 22nd! Happy 37th to my lover and Paramore!

Claire, This last year has been rough on us both. We had been fighting a whole lot more, but the other night I wrote down this thought, “The pain we have been going through is the pain that comes with birth.”

We are birthing a new life here in Napa, and it’s not supposed to be easy. This thing we are doing is supposed to be hard. I think we knew that, but we’ve both been surprised at just how hard things can be, while also feeling so damned easy. Moving feels a lot like building a house on quicksand, and that quicksand under our feet feels like I’m mixing too many metaphors.

Since we sat down and REALLY talked about all of our fights and what’s fueling them, things have gotten so much better. The ground has started to feel so much more solid again. We feel connected once again.

Before that talk, I had been looking for signs that we’re on the right path here in this place. I found that sign this last week when you frantically called me out onto the patio to see something fantastic! I was annoyed when I wandered away from whatever project I had been “working” on, but was so happy and surprised by what you had to show me. I can’t stop thinking about it.

There it was, the plant that we had dropped on the hotel parking lot ground in Reno, Nevada. The planter shattered and we assumed the Spider plant was dead forever. Still, you listened to me when I wanted to replant the plant and see what would happen. I wanted to mix the dirt from our old life with our new life. I had faith in that plant. I had faith in us.

And then the damned thing died anyway.

It was dead, dead, dead.

And then we were fighting, fighting, fighting.

Nothing was going right in this new life and we were both so incredibly frustrated.

I’ve been thinking a lot about garden metaphors, and when you called me out to the patio, I saw that the plant your mother had given us for our first home together, the one that we killed in Reno, had somehow magically sprung to life once again.

I had been looking for a sign that we were on the right path, and once again the universe answered with a metaphor.

We chose to come to this place with the clippings of our old lives. We replanted them here and panicked when it didn’t feel like they were growing. We forgot that growing things and life takes time. We forgot that pain comes with rebirth. We forgot how to tend our metaphorical garden.

We just need to learn some more damned patience. We have to learn how to plant these seeds, and help them grow. And sometimes, we have to just plant the plant and then ignore it, only to be surprised months later that it’s not only alive, but looks to be thriving.

It’s not as easy as some people make it look, and for us it’s mostly been easy. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to make your own garden grow, and that doesn’t even include all the work to grow that garden, together. Things are not going to just happen overnight for us. We have to till the garden and work to make things go.

I’ve been watching more youtube videos late at night about gardening. I’ve been looking for more very real lessons and metaphors on how to continue to grow this life with you here in California.

I love you so much and there is no place else I would rather be than on the couch, sipping wine, dancing in the kitchen and watching RuPaul.

I can’t wait for us to figure out what we are planting here in Napa, and I can’t wait for us to help it grow.. Together.

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Tim Barry interview on 20 years of train hopping, how his daughter changed his world and more! (New Noise Magazine Issue 01 – March 2013)

Editor’s Note: This is the raw draft of the interview published by New Noise Magazine. This draft has not been seen by an editor. There will be errors. In the year since TIM BARRY has released 40 Miler on Chunksaah Records, he has celebrated the 20th anniversary of his first train ride. He has also become a new father to his daughter Lela Jane Barry. We join Tim and talk about his early train ride memories, battling diabetes and how having a daughter may or may not change his song writing. I’ve read that as of March, it has been 20 years since your first train ride.  That is correct! It was actually right about this time of the month, too.  It was about mid March. I can’t remember the exact date, but my buddy Ronnie [Lee Graham] took me on this first trip. We debated the date a whole bunch. I kept saying it was 1994 and he kept saying 1993. I decided it would sound cooler if it was ’93. So that is the year I went west. He was probably right. So 20 years ago, right about this time of the month, I took my first freight train trip from Richmond, Virginia down to Rocky Mountain, North Carolina. We hitchhiked down to Raleigh and rode some more trains around North Carolina. I don’t even remember how we got back, but it was the first of those wanderings that I did.  What was that experience like? The guy I was riding with, Ronnie Graham. He grew up in a trailer park in Salisbury, Maryland. He didn’t come from a family of wealth. He didn’t come from a family of wealth and like a lot of those families, they had chronic health problems. A lot of his family died young. Others were in prison. His dad was in prison for a long time. He had a transient uncle who rode trains and he sort of turned Ronnie onto it. Ronnie had ridden trains a bunch, just out of necessity. I was sort of obsessed with Woody Guthrie and a lot of the early folk singers, back then 20 years ago. I had instructions. I had a person with me who had experienced so much, so my nerves weren’t as shot as if I had done it on my own. He did most of the footwork. He went into the train yards and talked to the workers and found out which train we wanted. We found an open box car and just drank beer waiting for the train to leave. I was more fatigued by the time the train rolled out at six in the morning heading south out of the CSX ACCA Yard. I was more fatigued at that moment than anything else. It was a hell of an experience. Do you think you would be the person you are today, if it had not been for that first ride? I think I probably would have found another obsession. That’s just the kind of person I am. I just have an instinct to keep moving. I don’t want to sit down. I’m always making plans. I rarely think about things that I have done. I generally focus on things that I want to do. I do many things that are considered normal or abnormal: Music, gardening, camping, canoeing, and riding trains. It never ends. I guess you are where you come from. So yeah, I would be a different person if I didn’t start riding trains all those years ago. What I like about trains is not just the fulfillment of my wanderlust. It is that they are a parallel for life. When I think I have a specific train route in time and the crew change points down, they change. It starts all over again. It becomes another mystery that I feel the need to conquer. Is it track maintenance? Has there been a derailment? Was there a bridge collapse that forced a reroute? I just start ticking and ticking. Again, it’s a parallel for life. Once you think you feel pretty scheduled with routine and with things falling in place, it is thrown for a loop. You have to start all over again, and learn it all over again. I think that’s what quelled my interest. A lot of the people who are obsessed with trains, like myself, are also obsessed with illegal forms of art on the trains. They’re also obsessed with things like birding, tree identification, and hiking every trail in the state. It might even be a neurosis because I find myself interested in all those things as well. It’s very strange the way the brain functions. [Laughter] Train Riding was such a large part of the cultural landscape of the depression era. Many of your songs have a depression era quality to them. Do you ever feel that maybe you were born in the wrong time? Nah! [Laughs] Josh Small is my right hand man and plays music with me. The first time I met his father, Rev. Bobby Joe Small; he is from the first generation of a gypsy family that settled down. Mr Small said to me, after seeing Josh and I play music together for the very first time, “Tim, you old timey in a modern way!” I’ll take it.  I don’t mind being old timey in 2013. I think we have a lot more conveniences than the dust bowl era. In the year since TIM BARRY has released 40 Miler on Chunksaah Records, he has celebrated the 20th anniversary of his first train ride. He has also become a new father, to his daughter Lela Jane Barry. We join Tim and talk about his early train ride memories, battling diabetes and how having a daughter may or may not change his song writing. Congratulations on your baby daughter!  She’s about fifteen pounds and in my left arm as we talk right now, while juggling her and the telephone

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